"In 350 yards, at the roundabout, turn left"

So.. Take That. Brilliant, wonderful and fab. G loved it and boogied away whilst randomly screaming because other people were. Lady GaGa as a support act was appalling, apparently she makes her own clothes, I wasn't surprised. Oh, and the roving cameraman had an obsession with her legs and treated us to long shots of them.. and her seeming lack of knickers. Delightful. G says that my wish that I had taken a book in with me shows that I am officially old. *sigh* Well, she'll catch her death of cold walking about like that. And was it really necessary to scream the words out?

Oh, and we also realised why K had been able to get us tickets. We were basically seated in space. Take That were ants to us. 4 rows from the top of Wembley.

I spent the first 20 minutes we were there trying to tie the back of my shirt to the chair. I felt like we were about to recreate that scene in Titanic at any minute - you know, the one where the boat bobs and down in the water for a while and that one man sort of cartwheels to his death? Yeah, that scene.

So yes that. OH. And I forgot. We owe our presence at the concert to a very special someone. No, not K. It's time to meet the newest member of our family. And she is wonderful. Suzie SatNav. And her perfect directions, and endless patience when I ignore them and think I know best. K says he'll be taking her off me soon though. It's over the top to use her to direct me to the shops, which are all of 375yards away - I'd never have known the exact distance without Suzie. I love her. And the little button that says "home" so I can always find out house. I love her.

In Lal news... the oddity is becoming far worse. Now, he will only eat the heads, arms and body of Gingerbread Men. The floor is littered with abandoned legs. Seriously. It's like some sort of scary massacre around here. Amputeed limbs all over the place.

He is still insistant about his car theory. Did I mention this before? Probably around the time of the bus trip saga.. but it's moved forward from there. Now, no cars are allowed to stop ever. Even if they weren't moving before he saw them. It was a 10 minute screaming fit this morning as a British Gas van had the temerity to park across the road from us. You have to feel bad for K.. Lal loves to watch for him coming home from work, from the playroom window. As soon as K's car appears on the drive, Lal sinks into a puddle of depression.. "go car, go."

Umm, I was woken this morning to the pain of Lal's school bag being repeatedly smashed into my head and the "School.. NOW" sound coming from the boy.

I have some sort of obsession with Michael Jackson - even though I didn't much care about him when he was alive - and his memorial service had me sobbing uncontrollably. In front of K and G who remained entirely unmoved by the whole thing. I just keep picturing that little girl..

And finally, I am defrosting the freezer at the weekend, so we will be using up the frozen food this week. K and G had yorkshire pudding, mixed veg, spicy chicken and spring rolls for dinner tonight. I had frozen pizza that must have been in there for a year. It was only slightly cardboardy. Desert is ice chips.

K x

Just a great day!

I have the best husband in the world. Well, for today and tomorrow at least. After that, he can go back to being ordinary. And annoying. And irritating. And a pain in the butt.

He came home tonight.. with tickets.. for G and me to go to see Take That tomorrow. Of course, the only tickets he could get are not so good and we won't be able to see much, but I don't care. It is the best surprise present he could have got us. G is over the moon. I am slightly regretting telling her tonight, should have waited until tomorrow morning. So far she has: had a bath, used my super expensive chocolate face pack, washed, dried and straightened her hair, and spent three hours deciding what to wear. I may have to give her sleeping tablets tonight. Her first concert! And funnily enough, my first concert was a Take That one as well.

And then tonight, I got an email. A despatch email from a wonderful WAHM (work at home mum) who had so kindly (and beautifully) knitted up some wool that I bought (oh yeah.. I gave up on the me knitting thing. It turns out that I can knit perfectly well in straight lines, but when it comes to putting anything together and making the straight lines into clothes? Not so good.) Where was I? Oh yes.. Carley at BibsandBots made these for Lal. Gorgeously stunning shorts, crotcheted into bright turquoise goodness. They are stunning.
Click here for pics
I may have to mug the postman when he first starts his round tomorrow for them.

They come at the end of an era. These may be the last woolly items I get to buy. And the last nappy items. The ungrateful boy keeps using his potty. No matter how many times I hide it, lose it or store toys in it, he finds it and uses it for its intended purpose. People tell me I'm supposed to be proud. Hmph to that.. what about the nappies? Huh? Huh? Where was I again? Oh yes, the last woolly item.. but what a way to go out huh? Did I say gorgeous? And lovely? And stunning?

Right, must now go and prepare for tomorrow. Gary.. I'm coming..

K xx

The Accident Book

Dear Mrs S

Your son was involved in the following incidents today.

"He was playing with the sand pit and tipping the sand over the floor. We told him "no" but he carried on doing it. I then used the "Alexander NO" as you said to try, and he ran away. When running, he slipped on some sand that he'd thrown and slid into the sand table lip first. It started bleeding some and I put a cold compress on it. He now has a fat lip and small bruise.
He didn't like the cold compress and ran away again. This time to the Dressing Up corner. He tried to go through the unit (the hole in the middle) but hit his head on the top of it. He then tried to get out and fell over again and hit his left leg on a table. He has a small bruise forming already.
We gave him cuddles and he seems fine now."

Please sign and date the accident book.

*sigh*

(On the way out, I accidentally clocked him on the head with his bag. He only fell a little bit)

K x

Body Art

Yesterday I decided to let them paint. Lal and G together. For G at least, it could count as part of her Art home schooling thing. For Lal, it might convince him that paper isn't evil.

They had fun.

I'm still finding glitter everywhere I look.

I may never allow it to happen again, but as I have photographic evidence, they can never say I didn't let them try.







And my floor after they were done:



I did forget to account for when Lal got bored and decided to run off through the house. A quick dip in the paddling pool helped. Although I did forget to put any hot water in and he may have suffered mild frostbite. And I think I successfully created a paddling pool phobia, but he did paint.

It's hot. I'm going somewhere to melt.

K x

Why the hell did I do that?

K has gone away for the week. It's a hard life for the poor man, he has to spend the next 4 days being wined and dined in America. Let's hope we don't get a repeat performance of what happened the last time he went there. :D

G had an orthodontist appointment today, about 6 months and the braces will be off. She'll miss them apparently, well them and her ever changing coloured teeth - the elastics are currently pink and blue, last month she had bright red. I think it loos ridiculous, but as usual, I know nothing.

I was dreading taking her, simply because Lal always falls asleep in the car.. takes 30 mins to drive there, and then back again. No chance of keeping him awake usually. But not today. Today, through singing the theme tune to Super Why, Wonder pets and 144 verses of ABC he stayed awake. And is asleep now at 8.16pm. YES! I was expecting a 3am job so am completely over the moon at my night off. Except I'm not having one, and here's why. Somebody shoot me now.

As I mentioned last time, G is having a few problems as school. I hadn't yet sorted out the first one, when the darn child got herself into yet more trouble. She decided that how Mrs L had treated her on sports day was unfair (well it was) and that she couldn't cope with the injustice anymore. And put her facebook status as "I hate Mrs L. She is such a liar." 40 odd comments were posted by her friends, agreeing with her.. and some used appalling language/grammar and were quite offensive. In my humble opinion, what G wrote was wrong, but hardly offensive. Well, maybe a bit.

She was reported by a parent who read this and was immediately yanked out of her classes on Friday and had to spend the day in "inclusion." And again on Monday. And again today. This afternoon I received a phone call from the Deputy Head informing me that G was to be the only person punished and that she would be suspended from school for 7 days. I said ok, and put the phone down.

And immediately wrote to the school informing them that I was taking her out with effect from tomorrow and that she would homeschooled until such time as I could find another school for her. Can anyone see hormonal over reaction there? I even hand delivered the letter to the school with a package containing all her textbooks. Crap.

I'm going to spend the night looking up various curriculum thingies. At a push, I can teach her myself for a while, I am qualified to at least, and a part of me is looking forward to it.. Maybe.

BUT.. and this is a big one. I didn't discuss it with K. I still haven't in fact. (Sorry honey, I can't work out the time difference,so haven't rung yet.. will do, I promise) He is going to kill me. And that isn't a hormonal over reaction. There will be actual murder. Thank goodness he is on a different continent. Maybe I can move before he gets back on Friday?

Off to shake and rock in a corner.. what the hell have I done? Fingers crossed I can get her into another school asap!

Oops

K xx

Punishments

I don't really discuss G much, unless it is to sigh in frustration at her latest exploit, but I should really. She's 13 now and in the grip of hormones, boys and constant texting, but is still surprisingly sweet and loving. Well sometimes. Occasionally. Stop it,Katie, be nice.

She is having some trouble at school at the moment, and I am seriously considering taking her out and sending her somewhere else. As I may have mentioned a few billion times before, she is in almost constant detention for not wearing her uniform correctly. ie; not having 6 stripes showing on her tie, not having her skirt knee length, not doing up her top button, wearing 40 denier tights not 60, and nacy blue hairbands and not black. Sadly, I am not kidding. They are *that* strict. The last three weeks or so, after some serious discussions (which didn't involve hanging her out of her bedroom window by her ankles, no matter how much I wanted to) she has been dressing absolutely perfectly for school. Yesterday she came home with another detention because a single thread had come out of her tie. Just one, and it made one line of the yellow part seem black. How closely did the teacher have to study her to notice? Are they looking for things that she is doing wrong?

Today was Sports day. I went. Which was a miracle in itself. I invariably don't recognise her when everyone is dressed the same and end up cheering someone else's child on.. it upsets her, so she always tells me it starts after she has finished competing. Hmph. Anyway, today I caught her leg of the relay.. and met up with her at the side , approx 8metres from where she finished. I spoke to her for 45 seconds maybe.. to say "well done," "can I get a picture of you? now smile," and "I've changed your dentist appointment.." That was it.

Her teacher saw and immediately punished her. Tomorrow, because she spoke to her mother, she will be in "inclusion." This apparently means that she is not allowed to go to any of her classes, but will sit in a room on her own all day, lunch and break times included, and do her work in silence. I didn't realise that she had been tried, convicted and sent to solitary confinement. I am so, so angry. How is that a suitable punishment? How is talking to her mother wrong? It didn't say anywhere in the newsletter that competitors are forbidden from speaking to their parents. GRRR.

After she was told this, she cried.. frustration probably.. this annoyed the teacher even more, and she was told to stand outside the stadium. (School hires the local sports stadium for these events as they have proper athletics facilities) G told Mrs B that she still had one more race to compete in.. the final of the relay.. but nope, nothing. Poor child was told that she was forfeiting her place and that someone else would run for her.

Can you bloody believe it? For speaking to me!!! A detention for having a missing thread in a tie and three bloody punishments for talking to her mother. I am furious. And convinced that she will be miserable for the next 4 years. The teacher is her form teacher, and they will be together until the end of year 11. Can they not see that this is turning her off learning? Giving her an excuse for real bad behaviour because whatever she does is wrong, so she may as well give up?

I think it's the Catholic thing. The guilt. The breaking down of resistance, and I think I (we) have done the wrong thing and sent her to the wrong school. I feel like I am letting her down and not protecting her.

K is no sodding use, he got angry, but won't hear of her changing schools.. I just want to keep her home, but can't.
GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

That's better! I have ranted and feel a little better for it. Maybe. Got to do something though. And I think now is the time to do it.. she'll be choosing her options next year and it'll be too late then.

*sigh*

And in Lal news.. he did three laps of the sports field, ate one handful of sand whilst attempting to copy the long jumpers and fell asleep in the bath. Not bad for a day's work.

K x

The break out.. and other tales.

So. As life is now back to how it should be, I decided now is the time for a new me. I had my hair done. Which is about as far as I'll go. Well, that and buying some new clothes which will never be worn and I'll sell on ebay in a year or two. Hair.. has gone from a delightful brown with what can only be classed as orange ends (disastrous home colour meets sun.. mmm orange) to a light blonde with highlights. I keep seeing a stranger in the mirror, it's very disconcerting.
K thinks it's lovely. So lovely, in fact, he thought I look like a different person and suggested we retire to the bedroom to "discuss" how changed I look. I may have got the slight hump with this, and assured him that that would be fine... as long as he didn't mind me pretending he was Edward Cullen.* For some reason, this annoyed him. Can't think why.

So that was fun. In child related news.. G is off to CTC (cadet training camp) this weekend. A fortune needed to be spent on all her gear - K went into raptures and was dispensing largely unwanted advice on what was absolutely and positively needed. G was ashamed as usual. At least it wasn't me doing it to her this time. This weekend, my girl, who can't seem to last 5 minutes without her hair straighteners, mobile phone and make up, will be sleeping under a Basha (a sheet that pretends to be a tent) and eating from a ration pack that she will cook on a cooking thingy.. I forgot the name again. Hushy has told me that it is really, really wrong to hope that it rains, so I shall do a hope for sun dance instead.

Lal continues with the number/letter obsession. We also had a Prison Break type attempt. Our playroom window faces onto our driveway. I had it open. When I came into the room, only the top of his head was visible, his feet were balanced on the plant pot underneath and the word "park" was being spoken in excited tones. Yep. If you won't take me mum.. I'm going myself. The playroom window no longer opens. Ever.

Oh, and I cleaned the sofa.. took the cushions offm, washed them and then fought to put them back into the covers. Suffice it to say, we are a disgusting family, the filth was incredible and as a consequence are only allowed to sit on the floor from now on.

Am off to go watch Twilight again, maybe K will get lucky again tonight.. ;)

K x

*Oh yes. Somehow, I seem to be in the throes of a terrible crush. Me, a mature (yeah right) nearly 32 year old, is in love with a 17 year old vampire. Meh, it could be worse.. I could still be suffering from Tom Cruise obsession.. aaah .. Tom..