Revision

Lal has his two year check tomorrow. Oh my.. the angst. I'm not sure if I should feel flattered or mildly concerned that the health visitor actually rang me to make sure I'm coming.. she can't possibly have heard about the frog pronunciation disaster, surely? But off tomorrow at 11 we will go. He has his best nappy ready to go, just in case she checks - or oh my goodness, should he be potty trained yet? He knows what the potty is.. a very hard hat that he can be Bob the Builder in.. but not to use it for any sort of bodily functions.. Oh, the nappy is a Blueberry Minky Side Snap Cowhide.. In case you were interested.

He'll be wearing smart shirt and cords. Without stains, tears or creases. Maybe even a sweater vest over it in case she thinks I dont care if he's cold. And socks and shoes obviously.

I'll curl his hair nicely (yay the curls are coming back) and try to tame the back so it stops sticking out - he's *not* having it cut again.

I'll even wear my "too good to wear on a normal day" clothes and shoes. And put on make up - not too much.. don't want to appear too eager for him to pass.

And so to the revision. From reading general things on various boards, I'm concerned. Apparently the child has to be able to do the following:

Gross Motor Skills
• Walking & Running without falling - Check. Although forgets to look up sometimes and runs into trees. Will only start running if someone says "Ready Steady Go"
• Able to walk upstairs & downstairs holding on and using two feet per step - Umm, I don't know. He will walk if holding my hands, but prefers to climb up whilst carrying large toys and slide down face first (thanks for teaching him that G)
• Able to throw ball forward without falling over - Yes. Can hit parents in face at a distance of 5 feet
• Walks into ball to kick it - No. Balls are to be loved or thrown. Kicking is for wimps. Rugby is the game of choice in this household (thanks K ) so football kicking is not encouraged. *sigh*

Fine Motor Skills
• Builds a tower of 5-6 bricks - Can knock down a tower of 20 bricks. Has forgotten how to use building bricks for building purposes, only hides them on the floor so mummy can break her neck tripping over them. Used to build towers when he was a year old. Now refuses - and my, we have tried over the last few days. He will not play ball (see above)
• Imitates a circular scribble and straight line - Considers pencils, paper, crayons, pens and paints to have been invented by the devil. Will not contaminate his body by touching them. Revision of drawing has proved unsuccessful.
• Able to turn the single pages of a book - Would happily spend all day reading. Current favourite is Anna Karenina.. seriously.. daft child.

Vision
• Recognises pictures of animals and everyday objects e.g. cup, apple, banana in picture books - Yes, fingers crossed on "frog" and "house." If you want him to say the words to order, you have a better chance of ice skating in hell. With Mother Teresa.
• No squint seen - No, he can't see a squint.

Communication & Hearing
• Able to name 3-5 pictures or objects - Yes. Hopefully. It depends what mood he is in.
• May have about fifty understandable words and understands more - Words only really understandable to me. And to me. Unless it's frog. But can name all the letters of the alphabet and count to teen.
• Beginning to make little sentences of two words e.g. “mummy’s keys” - Nope. No stringing together of words. But he does know the anti theft warning/anti piracy warning at the start of the Bear In The Big Blue House Video.
• Able to tell you what he needs - Will grab hand and lead me to the drinks cupboard if thirsty. Will climb onto kitchen table and jump onto highchair if hungry.
• Able to carry out simple instructions - LOL. That's a joke yes? Me: "Lal.. this way, lets get in the car.." Me: Watch Lal run in opposite direction.

Social Skills & Behaviour
• Plays with toys meaningfully and in make believe play - Nope.. not at all. His little imagination is reserved for books. Unless you count smashing Emily and Jake's heads together (dolls)
• Has little idea of sharing but may be beginning to take turns - LOL again.. nope. Although he is very gentle when removing my hand from his toy.
• Plays alongside other children rather than with them - Will ask nursery. I think he likes to pretend that other people don't exist.
• Very possessive of own toys - Couldn't care less about is toys until someone plays with them.. will then insert himself between person and toy. Takes no prisoners.
• Drinks from a cup and able to feed self with spoon - Pah.. can't everyone?
• Very curious and tries to investigate everything and has no concept of danger - I think this one was written for him.
• Temper tantrums when frustrated but easily distracted - Doesn't like it when tantrums are graded. Gets very annoyed. Forgets to tantrum whilst attempting to shout "10.. a 10.." (He's only ever reached 6 on the tantrum scale)
• May have toilet awareness e.g. know when wet or soiled - Ignoring this one completely.. the nappies, the cloth nappies. No toilet training till he's 6.

Things they probably won't be so impressed about:

Can turn on tv, insert dvd into dvd player and press play.

Can put any number of objects down the loo and is seemingly incapable of learning not to.

Will recite the alphabet only when playing with Winnie the Pooh laptop,and all letters come out sounding American.

Will only eat carrots, carrot puffs, cereal bars, yogurt and fruit pots. And gingerbread men...

I don't think we're going to do very well at this test. Ah well. Gets us out of the house at least.

K xx