A date for the daughter

Ok.. G's date. The one I was not happy about. She's 12 for goodness sake.

It was due to start at 1pm. Cinema trip and a MacDonalds lunch. Ah, young love.

By 10am, she was driving me insane. She had managed to get herself dresses, and redressed after I told her that the top she was wearing was indecent - it was mine obviously, she doesn't actually own indecent clothes. She's the same height as me already, so helps herself usually.
But there were hair problems. It wouldn't go right. She tried the curlers, the straighteners, gel, hairspray, hair up.. hair down.. half up.. plaits, bunches, nothing looked good enough for Ben. Nothing. So I had enough. I cut the fringe. Every millimeter that came off was met with winces "not too short" or "It's not straight,,, muuuummmmm." I was half tempted to shave the whole lot off. I can't deal with not so teenage angst. Especially not at 10.45.

By 11, the hair was teased into perfection, and she was finally satisfied, and it was time for make up. Because she had already got it out (mine again) Lal had discovered the joys of lipstick, and was liberally applying it himself, he is still stained slightly red 24 hours later.
But to G.. make up, ever so slightly applied, I just put some powder on a brush.. but she still thinks it was full make up.. a little lipstick.. and she was ready.

It was 11.15. We didn't need to leave until 12.45. Nothing like being ready early.

So.. to town. We left at 12.20, as she was driving me crazy with the "Is it time yet? What about now?" Got to town, parked, and threatened to throw her constantly beeping mobile in the river. Endless texts from him... "on bus.." "Bus going round corner" "Bus stopped at traffic lights" Seriously? These are the sorts of texts they send. Every 16 seconds of the bus ride.

I, evilly, didn't put Lal in the pushchair, but let him walk around, he's still rather slow, so she was having kittens that she'd be late. For goodness sake. And for good measure, I let him have a go on the Bob the Builder ride outside Wilkinsons. Fun. First ride and he loved it. G didn't. The now permanently stuck to her hand mobile was frantically beeping, she was sliding from foot to foot like she needed a wee in desperation. " WE HAVE TO GO NOW! He's there.. COME On MUMMMM" Ok then..

Approaching the boy.. who was waiting outside the oh so romantic BHS.. The first thing I noticed was the hair. It was long and shaggy. K would not be impressed.
He was rather sweet though. Was entirely unsure what to do. He called me Ma'am for goodness sake. Although he looked nice, I still needed to frighten him.

MUM YOUR DEAD MEAT, I’M GONNA KILL YOU!!! I HATE YOU! ( That was written by G after I left my computer unattended.. I don’t think she’s very happy with me for telling her tale..)

So. To get back.. I needed to frighten him. I handed him Lal, and advised them both that if they weren’t careful, and stayed at least 6 chairs length away from each other in the cinema, they’d end up with one of him. I then got out G’s baby pictures. I have never seen such an evil stare from my daughter in my life. I then pretended to leave, telling them that Lal was their chaperone and that all his food was in the bottom of the pram, the nappies were in the bag, and he needed a change now. Never seen her move so quickly to hand him back. Ever. Satisfied that my mission was done, I left them to it, making sure that they were both aware I could ring them, text them or turn up at any time..

She came home four hours later, he saw her onto the bus, and had had a wonderful time. Not that I was told.. she still isn’t talking to me.

Ah well.

K x x