My life in six words..

My life in six words? Can I give it a couple of goes?

Attempt one:

Sigh, sob, laugh, love, sleep, babycentre..

Not bad.. how about..

My children have driven me crazy..

Well that's true I suppose, but hardly the profound phrase I was looking for.

Or .. My day in 6 phrases..

Stop that; Get down;Not in the toilet; No, you can't go on MSN; Whistle once more and I'll sew your lips together whilst you sleep; Why Lal, why?

Nope.. not good enough and I did change the whole premise.. one more..

I'll deal with it later on..

Ok, now try harder.. I'll get there, let's just throw things out there (forgive the Americanism)

Dear God, is that the time?

Why can't I ever be serious?

My children light up my life.. - I like this one, it's true, to the point.. hmm..

Would somebody please feed that cat?

I'll be off the computer soon..

Ok, I'm giving up now. I've created a crop of phrases.. there is at least one proper one in there..and you're right Lynda, it is harder than it looks!

K xx

Dragon's Den.. ish

I run a small business from home. I'm looking for people to invest. I have brothers and a dad. Who better? A copy of my email.. cos you know, I couldn't just ask normally.. I have to do a whole back story...

This week on Dragon's Den...Katie S is looking for (£ an
indeterminate amount) in return for 0% shares in her company
www.somethingsomething.co.uk (deleted business name... advertising otherwise!)

Hello Dragons (ie: you lot... I was
thinking Dad can be Peter Jones, Ian, Theo Paphitis, Nick, Duncan
Bannatyne.. sadly that means James is Deborah Meadon.. sorry about
that!)

Business Name is a new and excitng business created
entirely from scratch. We aim to provide quality Catholic items to the
religious community. To date, there are approximately 2 million
catholics living in Great Britain. Catholic feel guilt, it's a
documented fact.. therefore they buy stuff to assuage that guilt. We
are looking to sell that stuff. Well, sell more than we do already.. you know, different stuff.

(Voiceover man.... Dragon's are looking bored as Katie starts losing her words.. Katie tries valiently to rescue her pitch)

We have an established
advertising campaign in place.. we have placed free adverts in 55
parish magazines throughout Great Britain (due to fancy talking) We are
in the process of sending cards and flyers out to Scottish people (not
random Scottish people, actual friends - Yes Duncan (aka Nick) I do
have friends..) We also have a Google Adwords account in place (DO NOT
google and click.. it costs me money) and various word of mouth thingy wotsits.

We are looking to expand
our range of items and have sourced suppliers in Israel, China and
America. This is where you come in. For minimal wallet activity, you
too could be a non shareholder part of Business Name. You could
share in the glory of success, with none of the rewards.

(Voiceover Guy - Katie seems to have rescued her pitch with the promise of no return on the Dragon's investment.. will they be feeling charitable?)

Does it sound like an offer you can refuse? I don't think so.

Over to you Dragons.. Any questions?

(Cut
to voiceover repeating everything I just said because he population of
the UK seems to have the memory of a dead flea. Or at least that's what
the BBC thinks... )

Yeah, I know. But it might persuade one of them to invest. I have to keep Lal in Gingerbread Men somehow...

K xx

Insomnia, not as much fun as it sounds

I can't sleep! Weeks this has been going on.. weeks. It's 2.32am, I am shattered, the house has been cleaned to perfection - Lal has learnt to sleep through the hoover.. good boy - the games are out for tomorrow, the sofa has been plumped, the furniture moved around in the sitting room. I have nothing left to do. I need sleep. PAH!

I blame my head. It's too full of useless stuff, thoughts, ramblings. It just won't rest and it's annoying me now. I may have to take drastic action soon. A lobotomy or something..Are you listening head? Are you?

So, i am sitting here, on my truly uncomfortable chair. Oh yes.. that's something that happened. On Saturday, I was merrily starting 3000 threads on bc (number may vary.. it possibly was 7) when my whirly chair, or office chair, suddenly tilted forward slightly. No problem, I leaned back to compensate. Answered a few more threads and heard an ominous creaking...it really was a mournful sound. I then found myself on what was possibly the scariest roller coaster of my life, before I fell to the floor with a thump. An actual thump. The falling wasn't helped by my landing area. Yep. Damn toys. A Marks and Spencer stocking filler camera to be exact. In places where God didn't intend things to go. Pain. But I was super mummy and didn't swear. I used the G rated words. Many times. Whilst my mind had the dubbed X rated version. The death of pink chair means that I now have an extremely hard and uncomfortable wooden slated one. I can see my computer times lessening drastically. You know what's really bad? It's now 2.42 and I've just gone outside to take a picture of the chair to share. Really. I need help.

G goes back to school in 8 days. 8 days! Nope, that deserves more of these ... 8 days !!!!!!!!!!!!! Why isn't there a *yippee* smiley when you need one? I still need to buy her new uniform, but can't because it can only be purchased at the exorbitantly expensive school shop and I have no idea when that opens. We have an appointment at the Cadets on Thursday.. still haven't told her about the discipline part, or the marching.. meh, she'll love it.

Lal has decided that it's his turn to drive me crazy. He isn't eating. If he manages 3 carrot puffs and a gingerbread man throughout the whole day I claim a major victory. *sigh* He is having truly delightful nappies though, so I'm hoping it's just a tummy bug and not the early onset of anorexia. Cos you know.. it could be. Really. Oh,and he's back in the disposables. I can't cope with the scraping of the cloth. Tmi? You'd think so wouldn't you?

The cat disappeared for two days straight. Just gone. Didn't come in screaming for food, miaowing for attention, peeing on the floor.. nothing. I'd just managed to convince G that she must have taken herself off somewhere to die when she jumped back in through the window. And screamed for attention, miaowed for food and peed on the floor. I love that cat. Honestly. The real shame was that if she had gone, I was thinking of getting the children a greyhound. Don't laugh at me.. I watched the news.. there was a feature... they only need two 20 minute walks a day.. supposedly. And a coat for the winter in case they freeze. And summer in case they burn. It's a plight. Of the Greyhounds, it was on the news... Fine then. I'm just too soft. But the cat came back anyway, so greyhound can stay in the kennels.. unloved and unwanted. Stop it Katie.. now. No Greyhound.

You see what insomnia does? It's not pretty. OOh.. but.. I did find some cream stuff for under my eyes to lessen the big black circles that make passers by think I have Panda DNA. It's fancy. By Garnier and sort of rolls on. I can see a difference. I didn't just waste money..

I'm still trying to add the picture of dead whirly chair by the way. My computer is trying to decide whether to realise if my camera is attached or not. It is, but I think the computer is trying to be funny. Or make me do a reboot and lose everything I've written.

Again, insomnia is not pretty.

Right, I am going to make yet another cup of tea and lie on the sofa and watch Extreme Makeover:Home Edition. Maybe Ty Pennington can help me sleep.

Night

K xxx

Best and Worst Moments

Best Pregnancy Feeling: Trying to work out if that movement was a kick or not... so pressing down hard on your tummy to see if you did actually feel it.

Worst Pregnancy Feeling: Wondering if, by pressing down hard on your tummy to feel that kick, you have squished the baby's face completely. Or given him a black eye.

Best Scan Moment: Seeing the alien on the screen and knowing that you created that. Seeing your daughter talk to your tummy and watching the baby move in response.

Best Alternative Scan Moment: As you leave the room and run to the loo.. and finally release the 19 pints of water you've been holding for an hour and half.

Worst Scan Moment: The 6 hours that the sonographer looks at the screen before she mentions that there is a heart beat. It may not be six hours, it may be 45 seconds, but it is the longest 45 seconds in the world.

Best Late Pregnancy Moment: Sitting on the sofa and watching your bump dance to the Strictly Come Dancing theme tune. Trying to work out if it is head, arm, leg, elbow poking out from under your ribs.

Worst Late Pregnancy Moment: When you absolutely and completely crave the Flake bars that are at the very top of the larder, and you are too fat to reach them. Climbing on a chair doesn't work because your bump is too big, so you sit on the floor and cry. And then cry again because you can't get up from the floor on your own.

Best Labour Moment: When the baby is out, crying, beautifully pink, perfect and gorgeous.

Worst Labour Moment: About 15 minutes before the baby is born and you decide that you're just not doing this anymore. So the midwife gets out her doppler and listens for the heartbeat... just to worry you so you'll push again. *Sneaky woman... worked though!*

Best Newborn Moment: Every minute of the first 4 days when you literally cannot stop staring at the perfect little person that you made.

Worst Newborn Moment: Afterpains! No one told me they hurt. I forgot about them after I had G. So I sat with a lot water bottle on my tummy and rang the midwife in a panic as I was cuddling Lal and became convinced I had superheated him..

Worst Illness: When Lal wouldn't stop being sick and was diagnosed with Pyloric Stenosis. The transfer to GOSH was the worst hour of my life.

Best Baby Memory: His first smile, the first time he sat up, the first time he grabbed my finger and held it tight. Is it soppy to say all of it?

Worst Baby Memory: When a hair got wrapped around his toe and he had to be hospitalised with a mystery infection. Awful.

Best Toddler Memory: When he escaped through the cat flap, crawled up the garden and sat in the middle of the lawn grinning.

Worst Toddler Memory: When we lost him in Tesco.

Best Teenager Memory: Always this one.. always..

I think that'll do for now!

Can't wait for the next set of memories. Ok, I'm officially soppy now. I'm going to go and iron something.

K xx

Children everywhere... and ouch

Right, bad stuff first seeing as I've been away for so long.

Didn't get to go on the big Hushy meet and holiday in Scotland. Lal finally succumbed to the Pox proper and caravan parks have odd rules that don't allow you to be contagious around other people. hmph.

Had a little to do with K that knocked me off kilter for a while. Surprised myself as I actually do have a mind, and it needed sorting out. I have now managed to pack everything into neatly labelled boxes. This last to do has an open date of 2020, so I'll deal with it, and think about it then.

And now to the good stuff. For the last week, the household has had three children. My neice, Olivia, has been staying with us. She is the original jetset child and flew in from Dubai, where she lived for 6 years and will go back to New York, where she lives now, on Wednesday. She is three weeks, two days and about 19 minutes younger than G. We have had that conversation many, many times. She has a speaking voice that is 17 decibels louder than G's. The house reverberates when she chatters. Lal is terrified of her. Which helps when I want them to watch him for a while.

Oh, oh, I decorated and moved around their rooms.. if you don't like pink, please, look away now.

Lal's new room (up until last week, it was G's room and pink!)

G's pink monstrosity of a bed... fairy lights on the wall and all! The cabin bed was NOT easy to put up alone. I had to shout out the window for my next door neighbour to come rescue me.

I turned another year older. I refuse to say how many years have passed since I became an actual person... but this time 20 years ago, I was about to start secondary school. And I have discovered 4 grey hairs. Actually, I didn't discover them, Oliva did. And hasn't shut up about them since. *sigh* Ooh.. for my birthday I was thoroughly spoilt. The children, bless them, took money from my purse (don't get me started) took their own savings and bought me a digital photo frame, and another one for my key ring. I am now trying to work out how to get pictures from my camera into the frame and stay there. Or I was working it out. The frame is now under my bed until it's learnt its lesson and starts listening to me when I tell it to do something.

The best present I got though, was my tooth. Monday afternoon, after munching many chewy rings, my wisdom tooth broke. Don't think I didn't get the irony... It's 4 days later and I still can't open my mouth enough to eat anything wider than soup. Managed to shove in bits of chocolate birthday cake though. I have an appointment for next week to see what they can do. Booo

That's enough for tonight.. I have every finger crossed that this will actually post and not be consigned to SN hell.. and I can't type anymore.

Kxx