Sunday, 30 March 2008

The Killing Hour

It's 8pm, but the clock says 9pm and I'm exhausted. Why do they have to change? I like it being actual time, I can't cope with having to work put what time it actually is (ie was yesterday) for weeks after the event. It hurts. And I don't know why I have to do it, I just do.
I have whole conversations based on "This time yesterday it was only 5pm, and now look, it's 6..." Yes, I do drive everyone crazy whilst I do it, it's the sheer injustice of the missing hour I think.
Of course, I am blaming today's illness and exhaustion on the hour change, and not the discovery of Yahoo Messenger which allows you to actually talk to and see as many people as you want through the magic of webcams and speakers. I've discovered a whole new world. It's filled with marvellous technology! I'm trying to find a way to blame the severe hangover I have on the hour change too.. but have been unsuccessful there so far. Dammit.
We had lots of fun though, Hushy (a fellow blogger - has been very remiss lately and bb mate) and Helen (another bb mate) sang, loudly and drunkenly. I will never look at them the same again. I, of course, remained entirely sober and didn't fall off my chair, fall asleep, spill a bottle of wine or look like I was competing in a "Zombie of the Week" contest. Really, I didn't.
I also didn't stay up til 4am, the real 3am, before stumbling up the stairs whilst attempting to serenade my husband with the marvellous "Bachelor Boy" by good ol' Sir Cliff. It worked! lol. Men hey?

Ok.. to less weighty subjects. Lal is being more monstrous than usual. His new found wobbling (walking) skills are being shown off at every opportunity. I worry about him learning to drive as even now he seems to lack the spacial awareness to not walk headfirst into walls. Poor child cannot turn a corner at all.
The alphabet and number puzzle are turning out to be the very worst things I could ever have bought. The evil little knobby things on the top keep attacking my crawling knees every time I go across the floor, and he doesn't do the puzzles right at all. No matter how hard he claps himself, says "Ell done" or shouts "yay" - the B will not fit in the S place. It just won't.

G is once again off school for two weeks. Hear my deafening silence on that subject. It's been two days so far and I'm already considering dosing her up wth sleeping tabs so she sleeps right through. I wouldn't mind that much, but she keeps stealing HER (birthday) webcam back from my pc. No idea why she thinks she's entitled to it!

And now time to go... the camera people keep on pinging me.. the intrusion has taken what few braincells I didn't kill last night away.

Everyone.. buy a webcam (or steal the one belonging to your eldest child)

K x x

Sunday, 23 March 2008

What's in a name?

Sorry for awolness again. For some reason SN decided it hated me and refused access permanently. I also discovered the joys of Webcam, seriously addictive. As is my newfound need for constant make up due to webcam! Think K thinks I'm having an affair..

Anyway, I'll do better.. and now to the subject at hand - What's in a name? Rose, sweet, blah blah.
I've already discussed the naming of my monsters.. so I'll go for family names. Like Aldee (Hey Donna.. damn SN.. I'm back to boring you senseless now!) I cannot bear the "fashion names." Or the current trend for making them more fancy by refusing to spell them properly. ie instead of y - although thinking about it, I don't really like names that end in Y either.

As some of you know.. my dh is called Kit. Which is a ridiculous name, it's a girl's name really. But.. his given name is Christopher Robin (Yep - he has one of those parents) Why anyone would do that to a child, I have no idea, she may as well have added a Winnie and left it at that. He hates the name Chris, or Topher (Gopher) so settled upon Kit. It suits him.. sort of, a less girlish boy there never was.

I have brothers, Ian Charles, Nicholas Paul, James Edward and Thomas Richard. Perfectly good names, nothing wrong with that. My father, who I adore and so desperately wanted to call Lal after, is Roger Denis. There is no way I would do that to my child. Just none. His father was Denis Arthur, so I may use the Arthur as a mn at some point if we ever do decide to try for number three.

As I said before, Alice and Mary feature prominently on the female side of my family, my mum is Aileen Mary.. which has proven impossible for anyone to say for the last 60 odd years. They see the Initial A and immediately pronounce it Eileen.(eyeleen) Why? Does everyone suffer from a mass dyslexia when reading that name? Drives me crazy that one.

Nieces and Nephews.. we have:
Jonathon Michael (Jonty)
Harrison Daniel (Harry really.. but he wouldn't call him Henry which is the true real name of Harry)
Katherine Emma (Katie)
Charles Edward (Charlie)
Oliver Daniel
Abbey Louise (Yep.. you read that right... Abbey.. not Abigail, child is named after Westminster - not surprising.. her mother is Pia and comes from Southend.. )
Alfred George (Alfie... but truly English to satisfy Nick's pride in his country)
Edward James (Teddy)
Jessica Mae (Why did everyone suddenly add Mae to middle names..there's an epidemic) Eleanor Rose (gracefully from the chair..)
Georgina Mary Alice (my one.. perfect name! lol )
Alexander James (far too Scottish for very English brother - tried mentioning the Greek roots.. not impressed)

Now again, repeating myself, but I didn't set out to shorten my children's name. I hate doing that. But Georgina is now Georgia, Jogs, Pa or Chicken, and Alexander succumbed to the Lal, Lally, Lamb Chop and Boo.

One of the main reasons I can't think of having another is that all the good names are taken, especially if I had a boy.. there are no names left!

Back tonight for daily updates!

K x x

Thursday, 20 March 2008

The boiler is in pain..

It happened again. The heating has died, just in time for the predicted cold snap, so we are all freezing. It was working fine this morning, woke up toasty, fed Lal in a nice warm kitchen. And then there was a noise. A loud screech. For some reason, I decided that Lal was obviously having trouble pooing, and the extraordinarily loud screech had come from him. When it happened the second time, I decided it was the cooker that was about to explode, so turned it off at the plug. Third time.. heating.. ran upstairs, the boiler (that was serviced yesterday) was making odd labouring type noises and emitting the screech every 25 seconds or so. Not one to worry about sparks igniting possible leaking gas, I got the portable phone and rang the Homecare people. The number was helpfully stuck on the front of the boiler otherwise I'd never have found it, and I'd be writing from smoking rubble. The ever so helpful operator told me to turn off the boiler (and explained how) and said that the engineer would come back tomorrow between 8-1. So we have been very cold all day, and all night, we have half a tank of hot water, so we all smell, and I can't do the washing up. I am obviously very sad about that. Smile

Lal took possession of his brand new, well second hand ebay Teletubbys today. He's not quite sure what they are, and can't understand how they can possibly be in his hand and also on the television. I'm pretty sure he thinks they are part of an elaborate dream, so keeps hiding them. I've located Po in the washing basket, Dipsy under the sofa, La-La in the hole in the grandfather clock.. Tinky Winky is playing the hide and seek game very well, and I've no idea when he'll turn up.

He is now walking fairly well, but still only to me.. I am still having to crawl backwards on my knees so he can try to catch me. It's not doing the old bones much good.

What else? Ah yes. He escaped again this morning. G's fault for leaving the prison doors open. He did an entire rampage that took me an hour to clean up. Top effort went to the tub of sudocrem.. it's everywhere, and due to its water resistant qualities is impossible to clean off. I've ignored it in the hope that it'll have magically gone when I wake up tomorrow.

I think that has to be it for tonight, I'm off back to Church for an hour again - it's the true meaning of Easter you know, but I promise not to lecture! We are taking both the children tomorrow, it'll be Lal's first solemn Mass, I'm thinking of getting some tranquillisers for him.. It's also G's first "fast" day, she is allowed to eat plain food, but no deserts, crisps, juice drinks etc. She's looking forward to it, no idea why. It's hard!

One final thought.. why is it schools never change? She came home yesterday with marks all over her blazer.. leaning back on a radiator and got chewing gum stuck all over it. Marvellous. For some reason I thought that freezing the offending item would unglue the gum. It didn't. We ended up with a very cold, very solid blazer, with chewing gum stains that refused to budge. It took 2 hours and a metal nail file to get it all off. I hate all chewing gum, blazers and schools. And radiators. Especially ones that don't work..

K x x

Sunday, 16 March 2008

How not to shop

Yesterday we decided that we would actually do a Tesco shop, rather than order online. No idea why, broke up the day maybe? Or thought we’d spend less? Anyway, the four of us set off for the bright lights. It was post Lal nap and lunch, so he was in a good mood, I was starting the afternoon exhaustion that hits most days, G was sulking because she was forced to come along and K was grumpy because he would miss part of the rugby.

We arrived in the car park, and managed to get an actual Parent and Baby space, that never happens. But with true deference to the Lord of Sod, happened when K was with me, thus negating one of my excuses for not going shopping..

G stropped once again, and as was her plan, managed to stay in the car to listen to the radio, don’t tell K, he thinks it was a punishment. She finds me embarrassing when we’re out of the house, something to do with me singing constantly, or having lettuce conversations with Lal. Good fun, lettuce conversations, he’s still at the age where he believes that lettuces, and indeed all salads, fruits and vegetables will talk to him, tell jokes, and pretend to hit themselves on the head. I can’t think why that is embarrassing to her.

Back to the car park… K decided that the Little Tikes car attached to the front of a trolley looked wonderful, and that HIS son definitely had to have a go in that. I did try to warn him that the things are a nightmare to push, but he wouldn’t listen, so I just muttered dire threats that I wouldn’t be pushing today, and that it was all down to him.

Inside the store, the shopping started well. I resisted the urge to buy myself a book.. when would I have time to read it? Ignored all Easter special offers, eggs, fluffy chicks, fancy egg cups.. Muttered once again about the commercialisation of Easter, it’s not about eggs you know… Another reason G probably refused to come in with us.

We went round quite happily, with Lal chatting away whilst “driving” the car, every so often helping himself to things on lower shelves if K got too close. Apparently he loves marmite, chocolate spread and cat biscuits. We got as far as the Tinned goods Aisle, when I realised I had forgotten the head cooler things for migraines, so left K with Lal and headed back.

K decided that he would check the paper for the rugby stats of the game he was missing, so opened the paper on top of the Little Tikes car, and got stuck in. I didn’t witness what happened next, as I had gotten distracted by some on offer baby clothes, but evidently. K got a little too involved in the paper, and didn’t notice Lal escaping the car and heading off for an adventure. He did eventually look down and realise that there was no baby there. He immediately tried looking for Lal, and calling for him, but to be fair, we’re not entirely sure that Lal knows his own name, let alone how to answer back.

I then heard an announcement over the annoy system, “Ladies and Gentlemen, we are closing the doors at the front of the store, as we have a missing 15 month old boy. He is wearing blue and can crawl. Please inform a member of staff if you see the child. Thank you.” I tutted a little at the irresponsibility of parents who wouldn’t keep an eye on their child whilst in a busy store.. and then realised that they could be talking about Lal.

I don’t think I need to describe the panic, and to be frank, I don’t want to! I did drop the dungarees I was holding and sprint to where I had left them. By the time I got there, a staff member had located the errant child. He was found sitting on the cereal shelf reading aloud* the ingredients of a box of Shreddies. The ones he isn’t allowed because of the sugar content. He was staging a protest, obviously.

We took possession of the boy, he was banned from the car, and forcibly carried around the rest of the store. Tesco reopened their front doors and customers were once again allowed to leave.

Lessons were learnt. K will no longer be allowed to be alone with the child. He will no longer moan when I internet shop, at least I can’t lose his son that way (cat flap escapades notwithstanding) and we both learnt that a disappearing child does wonders for keeping the price down. Suddenly biscuits, cakes and crisps didn’t seem that appealing.

I never did get the dungarees, the migraine patch was definitely used, and the child is now tied to a chair.

After yesterday’s excitement, I don’t have the energy to mention today. Suffice it to say, we went to Mass. G was great. Lal wasn’t. There were Palm Cross in eyes incidents. A sudden realisation that grown ups aren’t the only ones who can remove nappies (and wave them about) and one untimely Bugger shouted at a Priest.

And we’re now out of cold compresses…

K x x

*babbling incoherently, although he knows what he was saying

Friday, 14 March 2008

Waited on!

A nice surprise tonight. K got home at 4 with no warning at all. No, he hadn't been fired, he just wanted to surprise me and cook my dinner for a change. Aww.. bless. Well. sort of.
He looked after the children, gave Lal his tea (damn child ate it all.. why will he not do that for me?) he even bathed the monster and put him to bed. I've been made redundant!

For tea, he decided to make his speciality, Sweet and Sour Chicken with Rice. We don't go for fancy meals here, that is as exotic as we get. Dinner, lovely, etc etc etc. I went into the kitchen afterwards to find 2cm worth of rice burnt to the bottom of the pan. I'm not complaining, honestly.. but it was the only pan that the steamer things fit on. Yes, the steamer that I failed to fill with enough water and so burnt the actual pan it came with. I improvised. Reading that back, I've just realised that we are both as bad as each other. Chefs we'll never be.

Anyway. Yes, pampered. He probably only did it so I'd stay off the pc tonight.. but I can't bear to think of what I'd miss. BC must take responsibility for so much!

So.. to the children. G got off to school fine, minimal trauma and disruption. She just forgot her absence note, so I had to run after her in my dressing gown before she got the bus. I trod on a stone midrun and had to oddly hop the rest of the way. Why does that hurt so much?

Lal has been a little less monstrous today. Apart from getting the vegetable oil out of the cupboard and creating another skating rink. (K's fault for not putting it on the correct shelf) And a brief return to the toilet obsession, by putting two new toilet rolls down there. Not so bad, but I had a mini panic when I got them out and stood in the bathroom for ages trying to work out what to do with them, whilst water dripped down my arm. I threw them out the window in the end. Which reminds me.. I must get them into the bin.. Ooh.. I did win a set of 4 teletubbies on ebay for £1.50! And now I need never brave the loft and its evil flying inhabitants again!
And now to G. My super intelligent child. No really. As she had two sick days this week, she has to make up her missed exams. She will have to sit them during the lesson that the exam would cover.. does that make sense? Science lesson = science exam! So.. today was Science (hence the example! lol) and she sat the paper. Or half the paper because the teacher gave her the wrong one. She has to finish it on Tuesday. Excellent, said I, you'll be able to revise properly this weekend because you know all the questions.. Did it occur to her at all to read the questions? Think that she could up her grade by doing extra revision? Did it heck.. she can't even remember the questions she did answer. Genius child, obviously. She's got the sense of a dead flea. Or a gnat.

So that's my day. Nothing much, a little surprise and a daft child. No changes there then!

I am off to plan what weekend adventures we will have. I've got as far as, If the weather is good I can put the washing on the line instead of in the tumble dryer. Fun, no?

K x x

Thursday, 13 March 2008

What the boy did next.

Back again! Had a tough few days with G being ill - miraculous recovery today, just after 12 and no chance of going back to school. She does fake illness well does that girl. She will be delivered to school tomorrow at 7am. I realise she doesn't actually start until 8.40, but I need to make sure she gets there. And stays there. So I'll be back to one child during the day again tomorrow.

And that one child is doing it again. He is now really coming along with the speaking thing. No is still favourite, but he can now say Dog and Cat and Light. Not at the correct objects, obviously, but in their general direction.

Today, as most days are, has been a nightmare. He will not be still. I cleaned most of the house this afternoon, G was being punished by being forced into babysitting, and I dusted, hoovered, polished and bleached the house to perfection. Except the playroom. Obviously left that one alone, so he could roam free. This is what I found. This took 12 minutes for one child, one small child to create. The older one was internet surfing and deleting my half written blog from earlier. Thanks for that.


That's my boy. Random destruction. Every single toy removed from drawers and left to rot. It take me ages to put all the puzzle pieces back in. Is it sad that I time myself so I can beat the previous nights' record? 2mins 23 seconds tonight. Up 18 seconds on Wednesday, but that's because the F was hiding under Jester (rocking horse)

Umm, things Lal has learnt whilst I wasn't writing?
How to climb onto the kitchen table and use items from the fruit bowl as missiles. I was nearly knocked out by a flying apple yesterday.
How to walk, again. At least he's trying and seems to understand the point. He still looks rather like a drunken 18 year old, but he's getting there.
That vertical blinds were the best invention ever. Not only can he use them to crawl in and out of, but if he gets the piece of wire that keeps them together attached to him somewhere, tey follow him across the room!
That Mummy always and magically knows when he has been in the fireplace and eaten the coal.
That cottage pie tastes really nice when mixed with yogurt. Sigh.
That the soft part at the top of mummy's shoulder is perfect to bite. Especially if he pretends he is giving a big hug, so the element of surprise makes the pain worse. Ouch at those evil little nippy teeth.
That sitting on the edge of the bed and leaning backwards hurts.

So just the normal stuff really. Not much to report!

That's it from me.. I've just spotted the missing "i" from the alphabet puzzle, it doesn't take my time up to 2 hours.. it just doesn't.

K x

Monday, 10 March 2008

Nothing to say!

That's right nothing. But it feels strange to not write a journal after so long of doing one, that I shall witter on until inspiration hits me.

Oh.. Lal seems to be a lot better now. He actually managed to eat today without being sick. Which was a blessing really, as the constant whirr of the washing machine was driving me crazy. I tried to sit with him today and teach him the art of puzzles. He has a large number puzzle, each piece has a handle that he likes to suck like a dummy, but today I thought I'd teach him the actual purpose. So.. down we sat. And started. 2 minutes later I was hit in the mouth with number 10. It wouldn't fit in the number 6 hole and frustration levels were at maximum. My fault obviously. We finally finished the puzzle, and Lal applauded himself, gave himself a well done, and turned the TV back on.

Tv off again, and time for Music. Or me shaking the tambourine, singing, playing the marraccas, the clippy thing and Lal looking at me disdainfully. If he is musical like G, his ears were hurting.

What else? Umm.. we played with Emily and Jake, the "babies" I think I read somewhere that Social Services give small children dolls to play with, and study how they treat them for signs of abuse in the child's life. From the force Emily's head was hitting Jake's, we'd have problems with that assessment.

Ah yes, Lal has a new place to eat. Apparently he is suffering from Highchair Phobia. As soon as he gets near it, he starts crying and kicking me. He will eat sitting ON the kitchen table, but not at it. I have allowed it for today, purely as he is still suffering from after illness, but tomorrow I get strict. Really I will.

G has her exams this week, her first ever proper exams. She is not amused as she has been made to do actual revision. I'm not entirely sure why her notes are written perfectly and in fountain pen, when her actual work is a sloppy and illegible mess, but she knows what she's doing. Oh oh.. I got 20/20 for her maths homework. We did it together reallly, but I provided the protractor, from the dreaded maths set, and I helped with the actual answers, so I am proud of myself. LOL

I think that's it. Run out of words. And Lal distracted me by waking up half way through, so if I had any thoughts they are long gone. The reason he woke? He'd go himself sideways in the cot, with his legs hanging out between the slats and couldn't work out what was going on. Strange child.

K x x

Saturday, 8 March 2008

Washing and more washing

Worry alert again.

Lal has not been eating this week. Anything thicker than yogurt or fruit puree has been immediately sicked back up. Wonderful. At least I know its not my cooking.. he must actually be ill.
I even took him to the doctors, he may have a virus as his glands are up and he has red ears, but it equally could be nothing and he just delights in frightening me. I'm going for the latter. He's a child of mine after all.

And then today. I had such plans. I was going to have my first day off, no children to look after, no house to tidy, my first since Lal was born. It started well.. I woke at 9.45. K had both the children, they were up, dressed. One had had a nappy change,. one had had a clothes change. Apparently K took exception to the too small T Shirt G was wearing. I think it was the sound of her bedroom door slamming that woke me. And they had both been fed. K was smirking because Lal had kept his breakfast down, and rubbing it in that Lal obviously prefers him. No probs.. give up work and I'll start earning the money. That soon shut him up. Men.

And then it started. It began with a cough, and ended with a stream of regurgitated Ready Brek. All down my dressing gown. Marvellous. Baby changed, the baby who only wanted Mummy and screamed blue murder if I moved more that 2 foot away from him. All day.
Sadly, the sicky problems went on all day, even a sip of water came straight back up. I was not panicking. I was not thinking that the PS had returned. I was not thinking that he had the Rota (or whatever it is) virus. I wasn't at all... I wasn't even thinking that he had a lump in his throat that was preventing him from swallowing. Nope, not at all.

Anyway.. sick continued, I now have 8 machine loads to do. And to dry. And to iron. Oh the joy. Lal is finally in a peaceful sleep. Very ill, but peaceful. But not so ill that he couldn't eat 2 slices of toast and drink two bottles of milk over an hour.

They all do it to try me.

So much for the day off.. I am determined to try again tomorrow. K doesn't know it yet though.

K x x

And something I meant to say yesterday.. I had a knicker problem all day. The damn things kept falling down. It wasn't pleasant. Until about 10.30pm, when I realised that I had been wearing G's. Grrr

Thursday, 6 March 2008

About me (aged 6 and younger)

So.. you all now know about my children. Maybe its time you learnt about me. That and the fact that I have had a rubbish day, and don't feel like ranting tonight. Oh.. and the me is as I was then, when I was little, not the me I am now, who actually doesn't have anything interesting to say!

I was an odd child.. I was part of a large family, 4 brothers, but by the time I was 5 they had all left home, so was also an only child. Which is odd in itself.

I used to make up friends. Nothing odd there I hear you say. But my friends were all named after me.. Big Katie, Little Katie, Blonde Katie, Red Katie.. you get the picture. They used to play badminton with me over our washing line. That was exhausting.
They also used to spend hours playing monopoly, yahtzee and connect 4 with me. Hours of fun there. It's only looking back that I wonder why I never won? Even my imaginary friends beat me. That's very sad. It's no wonder I'm like I am.

So, we've done the friends... now onto the terrors.
There were only two things that really scared me. The first were the burglars who came in the night. To my knowledge, we were never actually burgled, but just in case I had a fool proof plan. I would get into bed, and line all my teddies up in a neat row, and sleep entirely still. That way, if the nasty man came to take me, he wouldn't know which one I was, get confused and go away.
Saying that just reminded me of the Teddy Order. Teddy Order was very important so that no one teddy felt that he was closer to me than the others. I was very aware of favouritism. So I used to create a chart. On Monday night, Teddy would be closest to me in bed, Tuesday it was Monkey's turn and on Wednesday Rainbow Brite got the prized spot. Very fair. And only slightly insane.
I was also rubbish at naming things.. teddy was called Teddy, monkey.. Monkey. I blame Enid.. she and The Famous Five sucked the creativity right out of me. Sadly I still use smashing to describe something good.. never went quite so far as to use wizard.. Also often tried to brush my hair 100 times like Gwendoline Mary Lacey.. surely the best character ever created... Malory Towers and Miss Grayling turned her into a good person in the end.

Digressing again. Waffle award anyone?

2nd terror. Wee Willie Winkie. For any young ones out there who haven't heard of the Winkie, he was terrifying. Look away now if you don't want to have nightmares.

Wee Willie Winkie's riding through the town
Wee Willie Winkie, in his nightgown
Rapping at the windows..
Crying through the locks..
"Are the children all in bed? It's past 8 O'clock!"

Imagine a cowering three year old.. being told the tale by her 4 adored older brothers. They put on the scary voice, and ended the rhyme with one of them knocking on my bedroom door and shouting "Winkie's coming.." Years I was terrified of that. Years. Evil Gits. They still do it to me now and I shiver. (Read it to G though.. some traditions have to be carried on, and Winkie was a fairly useful one..)

To go back to the bears. They were weapons used in the ongoing war against my mother. She would tell me off.. I would get upset, very upset. I'd stand at the top of the stairs, and throw them down one by one. After the last one, tears streaming down my face, I'd shout "Now look what you made me do,.. I've killed them, killed them all." Poor bears. No wonder Monkey had his tailed stapled on, glued on, and finally held on with a plastic sandwich wrapper tyer up thing. (what is that called??)
Just in case you were wondering what became of the bears.. they were both cremated with my beloved cat, Charlie, when he died 5 years ago. He lived to the grand old age of 18, and I couldn't bear for him to be alone. I am actually shaking my head at myself.. feel free to join in.

I feel I have now given you an insight into me as a child... it may well go a long way to explaining why G and Lal are as they are. It's genetic.. don't blame them.

K x x

(Pic is me, aged 5.. super bunches!)

Wednesday, 5 March 2008


And so to today! Not so bad really. I took Lal to be weighed for the first time in nearly three months, which is remarkable as up until August he was going weekly. I realise that you are all thinking that I'm neurotic. But in my defense, he lost so much when he was tiny, and was such a pernickty eater.. ok.. I'm a worrywart. Anyway.. he weighed in at a whopping 23lb! No wonder I have backache. We are now making a concerted effort with the walking, I have informed him that the calipers are on order should he refuse to comply.

I haven't done a list for a while... so in listed form, here are today's injuries:

  1. ME : Walked into table, mid thigh (bear in mind I am 5'2"): 17 second swearing... damage, lovely bruise.
  2. LAL: Fell off shelf (see yesterday's pic) and hit head: 45 second cry.. damage, none.
  3. ME: Shut corner of car door on shoulder ... tears in eyes... damage, little red gouge.
  4. LAL: Decided to strop on kitchen floor, threw himself back, hit head on table leg... 60 second cry.. damage.. little lump.
  5. LAL: No idea what happened.. but he has a black eye. Oops. No cry time for that one.
  6. LAL: Welcomed G home from school by collapsing into heap on floor.. hit somewhere.. 15 second cry, damage none.
  7. K failed to realise I had forgotten to shut eye level cupboard door and stood up into it, 60 second swear.. damage, large lump
G, bless her, has realised that my clumsy days are contagious, so has stayed in her room all night. She says that if she leaves something will happen. I just went in to check she had finished her homework and trod on her hand. Oops.

Ah.. on the cooking front, I made the carrot, courgette and stuff croquettes. They weren't a success either. Lal cried at the taste. Why can't I cook? I can read recipes.. I have the ingredients.. I must have some fault, something that just doesn't let me create food from recipes. It just doesn't. I mean, I even had to ring my mum and ask her how to saute. Why can't they just say, fry in oil.. a medium sized amount of oil.. Why? And don't get me started on how you are supposed to FOLD sponge mixtures.. you fold PAPER not flour and eggs.

I shall go, before the rant gets worse. And I still have to tidy up the kitchen. Say what you will about ready meals, they don't leave a bombsite on your worktops.

K x x

(Actually..I don't do ready meals either. Everyone just gets boring chicken breasts and boiled potatoes.. I can't even cook as well as a 40's housewife. 40's due to rationing.. I'm sure without that they'd have been wonderful! lol)

Playing the teen

Apparently no one can read my journal anymore... but I like the idea of talking to myself, it's something I do fairly often.

(Oh.. reminded me.. has anyone ever heard of a quote, possibly in relation to WW1 poetry that goes "I hold long conversations with the dead.." Whenever I use this line, K or G will suddenly stop giving me the "yes..." and actually turn their attention from the television and promise that they were actually listening and not just agreeing that the cat should be shaved, microwaved and stuffed. I have been unable to find this quote anywhere and am becoming convinced I made it up. Tried googling, but just came up with some wonderful How To guides on suicide... )

To get back to yesterday, even though its today.. I became a born again teenager. I decided that I wasn't going to be mum last night. G and her attitude and Americanisms are driving me insane. So, as a special treat for her, I became her for one night. She nearly died when her friends rang and I used the special phone language. Lots of "babes" and every word that ended in "er" was replaced with an "ah" I'm talkin abaht ma bruvvah... It took so much energy to do... Oh oh.. I even managed a "Talk to the elbow cos ur (see.. I can do text tlk) not worf the extension..." One of the worst phrases ever made up. Ever. I hate it. Oh, and the random T's missed out of the middle of words... how can you say "details" without the T? Surely it takes MORE effort to miss it out...

Happily, by the end of the night, G had left the ghetto, and was speaking properly. She has promised that she will continue to do so, as long as I swear on the Bible never to speak to her friends like that again. Ever.

And now to Lal. Day started well. Someone, a nameless someone, but a large male someone, forgot to shut the Prison gate on Lal's bedroom door. I was woken at 6.45 by G shaking me, and asking where the baby was. Cue frantic houses searches, but honestly, where else would the 14 month old be, but downstairs watching teletubbies?

What else? He attempted another fridge raid, but was foiled by me. He very kindly took all his nappies off the airer and put them inthe tumble dryer. I hadn't actually asked for that to be done, but it was a lovely thought. Maybe he is trying to teach his father?

What else? He still won't eat my meals, although I did actually give up on the salmon mash. We may have had easy peasy Jacket Potatoes instead.

That's it for last night, but actually today... the only thing left to's pic is Lal using his initiative to get even closer to the Teletubbies.Glass shelves will do that for you. Can anyone guess whether or not I used the magic words "If you sit that close to the TV, you'll get square eyes." I am not my mother.

K x x

Monday, 3 March 2008

Adventures with food.

A weekend off! I had a whole weekend without posting. I'm ashamed of myself. Sadly, K decided to be romantic on Saturday night and made me a meal. And then made me watch a film with him. It was actually lovely spending some time together, made me realise that we don't do it enough.
Of course, when he forgot to get me a card or present for Mother's Day, any warm and tender feelings I had for him disappeared. The Cold War is thawing slightly as he brought me some roses home from work.. but it's still pretty chilly around here.

So.. what happened here? Lal has definitely decided that walking is something he is not interested in. He is, however, interested in climbing onto tables and crayoning in windows. Wax is actually pretty hard to get off. He is also extremely interested in escape methods. I think he may well be Houdini reincarnated. On Saturday, we were parking. I say we.. K was parking as I am completely unable to, especially when I have to get into a single space, G suddenly shouted from the back... "Mum.. Lal is out of his car seat!" Ah yes, the 14 month old can undo the straps (the ones I have difficulty with) and can now get out. He has perfected this art, and when I left him in the car this morning whilst I posted a letter, I got back roughly 45 seconds later to discover him sitting on the floor in the back. Tomorrow I am off out to get a front facing car seat with child proof straps. Gah.

The biggest news is that I have decided to try my hand at cooking. The Tesco delivery contained only ingredients, not a chicken nugget in sight. I now have things that I have no idea what they are, but they guarantee that my entire family will be full of nutrition, healthy and spicy goodness. I may be picturing the old Bisto family style adverts with everyone laughing and joking and tucking in. I can assure you.. it will happen. No one will turn their noses up, or eat out of politeness.

We had a Roast yesterday, usual Sunday fayre, so I has no opportunity to test anything out.. but Lal became my guinea pig tonight. I spent an hour this afternoon making Cottage Pie. Thinly sliced onions and red pepper (took ages as I only know how to cut things in chunks) mashed up mince, some carrots and peas, and a properly boiled, non lumpy mash. Obviously served in specially bought Ramekins, because that's what Annabel Karmel advice. And I must follow her instructions to the letter.

I needn't have worried for a polite response from my son. Noooo. He took one mouthful, gagged and spit it all back out. I tried disguising the flavour and dipping the spoonful into the fruit puree, he ate the puree and spat the pie back out. Gah. He ended up having a Mum's Own jar, and ate the whole lot.

To her credit, after watching Lal's pretty poor attempt, G gave it a go, but to be frank, there isn't enough ketchup in the world to disguise the flavour. She had spaghetti.

K has just got home, his own personal ramekin is heating up in the oven. If he wants to make u[ for the Mother's Day disaster, he will eat it all up.

I am undeterred, tomorrow I am making Salmon mash with courgette and carrot croquettes. Wish me luck.

K x