I'm becoming a whole new person. As of tomorrow. When I wake in the morning, I am aiming to become smoke, nicotine and tar free. That's right, the worst has happened. I'm becoming a non smoker. In fact, I'm going to become the worst sort of non smoker - an ex smoker who waxes lyrical about the evil smell and disgusting habit of those anti social type people. Yep. That's going to be me.
I've decided that my life isn't complicated enough at the moment, and the children like me too much. I need to add some withdrawal symptoms, crankiness and endless gum chewing into the mix.
G goes back to school on Thursday, Lal is starting millions of playgroups (fingers crossed he'll actually want to be with someone other than me - and not treat all other babies with the suspicion that they are alien invaders here to kill us all) and I need to do something for me. Oh yes, and I'm going against Hushy advice (shh.. don't tell her ) I'm going to join a gym. Me! The uncoordinated one. The one whose PE Teacher politely asked to go outside and play football with the boys to save other gym class takers from black eyes - yep.. it happened. I went left as the poor girl next to me went right.
Joining a gym. It's *not* because they have free creche.. or free baby swimming lessons for babies. Really. I'll get my mum to write me a sick note if they ask me to do any classes.
I am all prepared. I have bought two bottles of chewing gum... easily accessible hopefully, who wants to wait out the craving by having to rip open a paper wrapper? I have written down my stressors as Quitline asked me to do. I need to avoid them at all costs. The children are being adopted out tomorrow.
Of course, I have to be sneaky. Actually, I need to be sneakier. The cigarettes heard me on the phone earlier discussing my plans to give up. They got together to plot a little revenge, or maybe it was just a warning. I went outside to smoke, and the lit bit fell off my cigarette and landed on my chin. I have a nice neat burn. Now that's playing dirty. Hmph.
Oh yes, I discovered something important about myself today. Is it just me? I often think, when reading about people who have been tortured, that I'd stand up quite well to pain (yeah.. I know.. sooo not true) I like to think that I'd suffer stoically and refuse to scream. I was wrong. Whilst sorting the ironing to go away, I slid my hand underneath the pile and a staple from the paper went directly up my fingernail. I blabbed all the secrets immediately. Ouch.. the pain. Between that and the burn.. it's not been a good evening.
So yes, non smoker. As of tomorrow. I have now told people.. I cannot fail. As a couple of added incentives, I am withdrawing £40 on a Monday to go in a "frivolous stuff" kitty. I am going to buy, well, frivolous stuff with it. If I have one cigarette between tomorrow and 27th Sept, I am not allowed to go on our bc board mum's only meet in London. And Hushy's booked a flight down from Scotland and everything. We're staying in a complete dive of hotel, but we're hoping our surroundings won't matter after a drink or 12.
Ok, off to throw away the ashtrays and lighters... wish me luck.. (and the children.. G is not looking forward to the crankiness...)