I'm in a mood tonight. A bad one. I won't write anything else I'll offend everyone and you'll all flounce and there will be emails and stuff. Suffice it to say, I am not the happiest bunny in bunnyland. Life is still magical and wonderful and all that malarky, but I think I'm better enjoying it whilst watching tv in a room where I can't make anybody feel smaller than a small thing in a very tiny room.
So I'm sharing the story G wrote when she was 9. Her take on Little Red Riding Hood.She got bored at the end.
(Oh,.. and many thanks for all the birthday suggestions. I'm currently in talks with K to allow either the nightclub thingy, or a massive party for 100 people at our local swimming pool - £12 for the whole thing - suggested by sillyrabbit, Helen. All advice was much appreciated.)
Little red riding hood
Once open a time there lived a family of three. The mother’s name was Annie Riding Hood, the father was Arthur Riding Hood and their child’s name was Little Red Riding Hood. One day her grandmother and grandfather became very ill because an evil wolf had put them under a spell and the only way to get out of the spell was to kill the wolf. Little Red Riding Hood and her parents did not know this so Little Red Riding Hood asked if she could take some cakes and flowers to make them feel a bit better. Her mother agreed. "But” said her father “remember that there are wolves out there waiting for some innocent people. Asking them where they are going, then saying good day and running away to the place where he or she had told them were they were going. Then they would eat all the people there and pretend to be that person and then they eat you too! So be careful when you are out there and don’t talk to anyone you don’t know.” Little Red Riding Hood promised that she would not talk to anyone.
As she walked out the door she was hoping that she would not run in to the wolves on her trip. Her grandparent’s house was on the other side of the wood. She did not feel safe with the wolves running about. As she stopped to catch her breath she saw a youth cutting down an old tree. She thought that he might be able to go with her on her trip. So she went up to him and said “Sorry to bother you but will you accompany me on my trip to my grandparents’ house?” “Yes of course I will. I feel a bit scared with the wolves running around myself.” So they set off to her grandmothers and grand fathers’ house.
On the way they saw bears, lions, rabbits eating the lions (this was a very strange wood indeed!) It was getting near bedtime for Little Red Riding Hood so she said to the youth “Do you know anywhere where we can sleep for the night because my mum thinks I am spending the night at Grandmas but we got a bit behind schedule.”
“Yes I do have a little cottage that I live in with my wife Mary and I don’t think she would mind you staying the night”. That night they slept in a small cottage with a leak in the thatched roof. They had breakfast and got changed into some new clothes and set off again. That day as they walked past some flowers they saw something move in the distance. They thought it might have been a bear, late for the teddy bears picnic again. But all of a sudden a small animal cried for help. Little Red Riding Hood ran to see what was making the noise so she could help the poor creature. The youth told her it was a trap but she did not listen to him because she suddenly thought that he was one of the wolves!!!! So she kept running towards Grandmas house. Hoping that she could open the door with her key and phone her Mummy and Daddy to come and pick her up in the car. But all of a sudden she realised that she had run right into wolf territory. She daren’t move in case a wolf saw her and attacked. She knew now that the youth was right, it was a trap. She hoped that the youth might swing to her rescue but in fact he ran home, got his armour and sword and ran to the place where Little Red Riding Hood stood, frozen in terror. He flung out his sword to kill the wolves hoping that he would be able to save Little Red Riding Hood from the danger.
All of a sudden, the bears from the Teddy Bears Picnic said, “Sorry to bother you, but if I take a left will that take me to Amarillo?” With that the Teddy Bear’s burst into a big song and dance number!
“Is this the way to Amarillo?
I’m a bear who’s lost my pillow!
And I can’t sleep without it now!!...”
“No sorry” said the youth “You take a left, then follow the dancing penguins, then take the first turning on the right and follow the signs. You can’t miss it!” “Thanks,” said Fred Bear. “Now, where were we?” said the youth. The wolves said “I don’t know! But we won’t eat if you tell us where you are going!”
”Never!!” said the youth. “We won’t go anywhere without a fight!!”
In saying that Little Red Riding Hood ran for her life! So the youth said “Ok….. I won’t go anywhere without a fight!!” and then feeling really scared, he ran for his life too!
Within a few hours he caught up with Little Red Riding Hood and said “That’s the wrong way your grandparents house. It is the other way”
“Oh. Well. You. could. Have. Told. Me.” She said, trying to catch her breath! “But I don’t want to go there any more. I think that I will go home and take the car BECAUSE THE WOLVES ARE RIGHT BEHIND US.” She shouted at the top of her voice, and with that ran towards her house. Her mother and father we’re relieved that she had not been eaten by the wolves. She said “Mummy! Daddy! This is youth, we are running away from the wolves and if you would not mind taking us to Grandma and Grandpa’s house.” “Yes of course we will. But I am a little scared about the wolves.” Said Annie.
“Don’t worry about them we can run over them with the car because they always travel in groups.”
So they got in the car (after the youth had got changed into some of Arthur’s Riding Hood’s clothes) Arthur put his foot on the peddle and didn’t take it off until they had got to Grandma and Grandpa’s house. But to their surprise Grandma was doing yoga in the lounge and Grandpa was getting ready for a run. “I don’t understand they we’re ill and were in bed.” Said Little Red Riding Hood. “No, the wolves put us under a spell that kept us ill for all that time.” Said Grandma.
And they all laughed and lived happily ever after.