Friday, 4 July 2008

Oh the things they never tell you

About toddlers! (I'm cheating, I've forgotten being pregnant, labour, the newborn haze.. I can barely remember yesterday)

  1. That even though your toddler has had his nappy changed 19000 times since birth, he still hasn't learnt to lie still.

  2. No matter how tightly you strap him into the car seat/high chair/ push chair, he will still get out and roam the car/kitchen/park

  3. Even if you have never uttered a single swear word in your life, your son will still find a way to learn f*** and shout it at an old lady.

  4. That one day they will love and inhale the lovingly prepared food you offer them.. the next it will hit the wall with a resounding crash.

  5. That your son will show his love by bringing you in for a cuddle, and biting down hard on your shoulder.

  6. That those baby months are gone so quickly, far too quickly and your son suddenly feels like a grown up.

  7. That it is impossible to get cream cheese out of hair, yours or your childs.

  8. That no matter how much you love them, they are only adorable when they are asleep.

  9. That you still won't have stopped poking them when they are asleep to check if they are still breathing. (Good news is, they now sleep through the pokes)

  10. That singing Baa Baa Black Sheep 76000 times makes you want to find every sheep, line them up and shoot them, so the song can be retired.

  11. That whatever high falutin' ideas you had about children's tv head straight out the window when you are desperate for 5 minutes peace.

  12. That even if you put the bird feeder high up in the tree, you will still see your son eating bird nuts when you go out to hang the washing on the line.

  13. That you will understand the gibberish that comes from your son, even though it has no discernable meaning to anyone else.

  14. That, whilst having a loving cuddle moment, your son will find it hilarious to stick his fingers up your nose. And in your ears. And in your eyes.

  15. That you will yearn for the days of two two hour naps. Or even one single nap. Just so you can sit.

  16. That family don't really like it when you put your son on the phone and spend 20 minutes saying.."Say hello.. go on, you can say it.. say hello. Ok, try Grampy... No? Sorry Dad, he won't say it."

  17. That the one place you don't want your son to be, will be the one place he can't resist. (Inside the tumble dryer in our case)

  18. That washing machines still work, albeit loudly when they have been filled with coins, raisins, toy cars and spoons.

  19. That you will find him drawing on the wall and think he is creative, intelligent and needs freedom to explore. A friends child does it and you go on bc and loudly "rant"

  20. That there is a 20 second danger gap after a fall. An immediate cry means no injury.. the after 20 seond cry means pain.

  21. As soon as your previously photogenic darling hits 15 months, all you will get are shots of the top of his head, shots with a tongue lolling out and everything will be blurry.

  22. You will be desperate for him to walk, and then long for the days when he was still. And stayed still.

  23. That even though you promise to cherish every moment, and remember every single stage.. you'll open your Red Book and discover you've missed at least 19 milestones.. and worry that you didn't put the date his 13th tooth came in..

  24. That you can never relax. There is a worry for everything.(That may just be me)

  25. That your child will bring you a weed from the garden and you will cry. And press it between the pages of a book

  26. That you are willing to hide your fear of spiders and bug type things, just so he isn't scared of them.

  27. That bc has been wonderful for allowing you to share every single stage of your toddlers life, every single milestone, to people who love to read about it, and who are happy to let you show off! (Without appearing boring and baby obsessed)

I think that'll do for now! I may come back and do the things they didn't tell me about teens. There is a lot!

K x x

No comments: