I fell asleep last night. At 11pm. On the sofa. With Lal. I should start at the beginning maybe.
When I was in Paradise on Tuesday, my dad rang and offered to have Lal for the day, all day on Wednesday. Needless to say, he hadn't finished offering before I'd written up contracts and had them notarised. Of course, by the time I got home from Paradise, I'd semi forgotten and ordered a Tesco shop to be delivered between 9 - 11.. but still, that's most of a day off. Oh yes, I have to drive him there, no because I don't trust my dad's driving.. more the fact that Halfords fitted the car seat and I have no intention of undoing it. Ever.
Tesco arrived at 10.30.. packed away the cold stuff, loaded the car and off we went. By 11, I had tea and was showing them tricks to deal with tantrums. Offer a book, a gingerbread man, ignore, or.. if all else fails, and the situation is dire... Channel 623 on Sky. Baby Tv. Try it, it really does work.
Left him, halfway up their field (with my dad.. not just him running away) and came home.
Do you know what plans I had for my day off? What fun and exciting stuff? Manicure? Hair cut? Pampering session? Shopping? No. Something far better. Something that will make you all think much less of me, but something that will not surprise Hushy at all.
I cleaned. I cleaned loudly. I didn't care how much noise the hoover made, I didn't care that the bed creaks when I stand on it to get the cobwebs down. I played MUSIC on the tv.. and it didn't cause Lal giggles, or cries, or epileptic style dancing. I did the whole house, top to bottom in 3 hours. I did miss the Lal skating after I washed the floors.. another trick.. try it. Use Flash, water and a wet mop.. wash the laminate put your child on there in socks.. and watch them twist, slide and skid across the floor. If you can get the video camera to catch it, all the better.
(I did all this of course whilst making several phone calls to make sure that he was wasn't missing me, and howling plaintively at the door. MAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMAAAA. He wasn't. Pfft.)
At 4, after G got home ("Hi honey, take your shoes off, I just washed and hoovered there.. straight upstairs, clothes off - washing in basket- uniform on hanger - get changed and don't make a mess.. Shh now, I'll ask about your day when you've done all that") I did the ironing. And left the iron on the board whilst I went upstairs.. oh the freedom. No worries that brat baby would pull it down and have a "Home Alone" type iron mark burnt into his head. Or my carpet.
But then came time to collect him again. Off we went, G in the car this time, complaining that HE got to spend the day with Grandma and Grampy.. why couldn't she stay off school and do the same? Usual answer given.. because. Now stop it.
And then the fall out. Parents can be great creatures. They can be wonderful, generous, kind and helpful... but then they fail. They forget how they raised children - yet can still remember that they grew up on bread and dripping and 19 mile walks to school - and feed your child nothing but Gingerbread men all day. Honestly. Nothing else. I packed food galore. He ate an entire box of Organix Gingees.. Great! They also committed the cardinal sin of allowing him a 2 hour nap at 4pm. 4PM! I made close to the bone jokes about him not sleeping at night, and covered with a smile, whilst inside, dreading the evening. Dreading it.
But they were so proud. They taught him something. It wasn't a word, it wasn't an action or a song, a new game.. nothing like that. They showed me. "Lal, here's a book.. go sit down and read it.." And off he went, to the corner of the room, walked round in a circle six times, sat and read the book. So, he played with the dog a lot? He now won't sit down without walking round in a circle. *sigh*
We were home by 7, and somewhat hopefully, I had G give him his bath. It didn't work. At 8.30, he'd escaped the cat flap and was outside trying to eat the Tubbys off G's wall mural. At 9, he climbed the bookshelf. By 10, all his playroom toy organisation was undone. Toys everywhere and a baby walking in circles to sit down a play.
At 11, he and I passed out on the sofa. I woke at 12.30, stumbled us both upstairs, put him to bed where he gave a half hearted "Play?" and came down to make tea. I have a vague memory of speaking to Hushy on MSN... (ooh, she has rats.. pet ones, not cos the house is messy ones.. I'll nag her into a journal..) By 2.30, I finished recleaning and went to bed.
G and I woke up at 8. She is supposed to get a lift at 8. I think she left without brushing her teeth...
I've remembered why I don't often let my parents take him.
(Ooh.. and I finally have a Top Tips.. Cloth Nappies - If I write it here, I might actually remember to type it later... here's hoping anyway..)