Friday, 20 June 2008

The Delegation

Last night, after my perfect moment, I was sat on the sofa, merrily watching House, drinking tea and wondering whether to get a Rocket Lolly from the freezer, when there was a knock at the door. I hate late night knockers.. Some people have no manners.. especially when I'm watching House. TUT

I took my over-the-clothes dressing gown off, hid the ashtray (oh yes, I forgot, I was being naughty and smoking in the sitting room..) and answered the door. It was the Drunken Delegation of Brothers. Only three of the four, but enough of them to worry me.

They'd decided that I needed their particular brand of drunken tlc. Now, I love them and everything,but only one on one.. en masse they are a nightmare. Number One, Ian, was telling me the house was too neat and emptying drawers, Number Two, Nicholas, was deciding that I'm not entirely fit to manage on my own and that he would deal with everything, and Number Three, James, (K's best friend) was pondering ways to anonymously knee cap the poor ex. And due to drunkeness they were LOUD.


Number Three decided that I shouldn't be dependant to K's money to live, so was attempting to explain how to "short" on stocks. I could make a killing apparently. There was something about buying high and selling low (that is definitely the right way round.. I checked many times) mixed in with complete weirdness about the Llyod's insurance market. I am supposed to have bought something today. I have no idea what.. he'll explain another time. Which he'll forget to do, but the next time he comes, he'll tell me off for not making my killing.

Number One informed me that he has been buying large containers of "stuff" from China and getting it shipped here, and for a mere three hours work a day, I could make yet another killing. He lacks the time to do it himself, due to foreign trips for work.. but if I stopped being such a brat child.. I could do it..

At this point, Number Two suddenly remembered that I was his sister, and we had the same conversation we always do when he remembers that. It's the nappy conversation. The one drawback of having much older brothers. They changed my nappy don't you know. And learnt how to wipe front to back. And marvelled at my lack of "boy bits" (I must say, he was somewhat cruder in his description) I was a "beautiful baby" apparently. Not so much anymore. But I was then. Way to build up the confidence there Nicholas!

Numbers Two and Three remembered that they had a nephew sleeping peacefully upstairs, and disappeared off up to check on him. Checking on him actually means calling his name all the way up the stairs, banging doors, swearing and coming back down with a wide awake baby who "accidentally" woke up. **sigh**

They tried with G, she won't be woken when asleep, so they failed. They left her notes for when she woke..

So, three drunken men and a hyper baby. It was 11.30, I was exhausted, and they showed no signs of slowing down.

Number One listened to my new kitchen plans and knocked a cupboard door off, just to see how easy it would be to remodel. Sadly, he broke the hinge so I now have a doorless cupboard. The one cupboard Lal isn't allowed in. *sigh again*

Number Two thought that the best idea he'd had in a while was to invite his baby sister to a lap dancing club with him. I reminded him that I lack the necessary appendages, and that to be honest, in wasn't an experience I wanted to share with him. He sulked.

Number Three was showing Lal how to be an aeroplane and whizzing him a round the ceiling. A stray foot took out a lightbulb.

Three drunken men, one hyper baby, one doorless cupboard, two money making schemes, one broken lightbulb.. and I still hadn't managed to watch any more House.

At 1am, I'd had enough and told them to get the BEEP out of my house asked them nicely to leave. I lack authority so they just ignored me. Number Three continued his path of destruction through the kitchen.. with a hammer, testing for wall density, Number Three snored on the sofa, and Number Two was crying abject apologies for ever bringing K into my life. **sigh again**

They finally poured themselves into three seperate taxis at 2.30 this morning. They each live an hour away from me.. I'd hate to be their wallets!

Lal finally went back to sleep at 4am and has been the moaniest, whiningest monster all day. And still wouldn't sleep until 10.15 tonight. And he's been swinging on my one remaining cupboard door all afternoon.

I wish I'd had sisters..

K x x

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