Neurotic mother again

I like to think I'm a good parent, if not good then at least adequate. I keep them clean and reasonably well fed at least. Then along come instances that make me realise that someone made a mistake when giving me responsibilty for a child.

When G was a baby, I left her in Tesco. Yes, we've all done it. But I'd driven out of the car park and was on the roundabout before I remembered that I'd left my 10 day old in a car seat in the cafe. I tripped over her in the garden and bruised her leg. I allowed her to climb rotten trellis so she fell in a rosemary bush.. She broke her arm playing rugby, I didn't believe her.

Lal hasn't fared much better. I find it difficult to work out distances when I'm carrying him - no reason for that other than I'm fairly stupid - and kept whacking his 1 month old head on door frames. I attempted co sleeping for a while.. woke up and he was in the drawer next to the bed. Blissfully sleeping in baby lotion and hair grips. I forgot to notice him when he was crawling and kept kicking him. Failed to notice him when he started walking and kept kneeing him.. I wouldn't blame social services if they investigated..

But I've been doing better recently. Nothing too bad. Nothing requiring a hospital visit at least.

Until yesterday..

Yesterday I failed to ensure Lal was properly covered in sun cream and hat. And I let him play out in the garden for hours. I put him to bed as usual, went to check on him at 9 and he was dripping. Temp up to 100.. fast asleep though. I'm ashamed to say that the panic came back. Stripped him of his clothes and searched for spots. None. Phew. Only damage is sunstroke (self diagnosed obvously.. he couldn'tjust be a bit hot) . But I couldn't get his baby grow back on... so he slept naked but for the nappy.

Then to this morning, after one of the worst nights sleep ever. I had to keep checking on him, just in case a rash appeared. At 4.50, I thought I saw a spot.. just a bit of Gingerbread Man. So all fine. He woke at 9, had milk, looked at me and cried. The "I blame YOU mummy" cry. Great. Went back to sleep at 10. Woke at 10.10.. climbed out of his cot, came downstairs for a cuddle. I loved him lots... then slipped on my newly washed floors and fell. We landed together, but his head bounced off the rug. Bloody great.. sunstroke and concussion. You're doing well Katie.

He slept off and on all afternoon, egg on forehead getting bigger. By 3, the visions of brain swelling had gotten too much and I called the docs.. took him straight down. And then it happened. What always happens when I make a doctors appointment. Child amazingly heals himself.

Seriously, by the time the car journey (5 mins) was over, he was singing "Bobo biller" (Bob the Builder) and reading his books. In the waiting room, he shook hands with all the old people (who must live in waiting rooms.. always there) and crawled over the toys, climbed chairs, ate plants and sang. GREAT! Saw the doc who pronounced him fit and well and marked **Caution Neurotic Mother** on his notes again, and off we went.

Came home, child became sullen again. And then.. I ruined his life completely. He was playing such a lovely game of "help mummy get the washing out of the machine" and along came I to kill it. We spent 20 minutes saying "next one.. thank you." until everything was out... and then I had another load to do and destroyed all his hard work. He cried for 28 minutes, he would not be consoled, he would not be distracted. He sat, with tears in his eyes, watching towels get washed in the machine. Heart breaking stuff really.

I finally put the Pingu Dvd on, and silence reigned again.

Oh.. and I bought myself new trousers the other day.. nice little black one, like cargo pants.. they fit, which is a miracle.. but I ran too close to the washing machine, caught the pocket on the door and ripped half the leg clean off.

Remember that Ruin Your Day Monster from a while ago? I think he's back.

Baby is sleeping now..has been for an hour, has woken four times so far.. keeps losing the hand dummy (one in the mouth and one in eash hand) It's going to be a VERY long night..

K x x