**Warning.. self pitying rant.. May cause extreme sighs, shaking of head and outbursts of "pull yourself together woman" **
I realised something this weekend, as I waved my children off with their father. I realised that there are going to be whole chunks of their lives that I won't be there for. Foreign holidays, every other Christmas, Easter.. just things that I'd always thought we'd do together as a family. And on some of these special occasions, I'm going to be on my own, hoping that they are having a good time.
Don't get me wrong, I want them to be happy, I don't want them to think of me when they are with Daddy, but I hate that it is necessary. I miss them. They are me.. I thought I'd be glad of the break.. but I just wanted them home.. The arrangement is that every weekend he'll take them both in the morning, drop Lal off at around 7, keep G overnight and come back after Mass on Sunday and pick him up again. They both come home at about 5. I'm going to miss every weekend with them. All I'll get of G are nightly moans to do her homework, get off the phone and go to beds...
Urgh, I sound like such a whiner! It's just that he took them to the zoo yesterday, and Lal said "giraffe" for the first time.. and I wasn't there. I probably wasn't there when G said it for the first time either as she was at nursery.. but it just feels different.
I don't know how to act with all this happening.. my parents didn't bother with divorce, they should have, just to give me an example of how to react.. I blame them entirely. Staying together.. tut.
Of course, I could be feeling this because I read "My Sister's Keeper" yesterday and it depressed the hell out of me. The ending I didn't see coming and it was horrible. Horrible! I'm starting a boycott of all her books.. she upsets me..
Ok, enough of the self pity. G didn't get her hair cut on Saturday, she still looks like a "dragged through a hege backwards" child, Lal now groan every single time he stands up... It's a sign I'm growing old apparently, as he can only have learnt it from me. *sigh*
I did try and start sorting the loft, but I heard flapping. It seems the vulture is still living up there and wants me to know it. How am I going to get all that stuff out? How?
I'll be back to normal tomorrow...
K x x