Wednesday, 6 February 2008

The monstrous monster at Mass

G went to school today, so all was right in my world. Well almost. For some reason she decided to wake at 5am. Its quite frightening to open your eyes to a fully dressed preteen holding a baby in the gloomy morning light. Especially as said children had put baby tv on our television. I woke to the dreaded Bouncing Ball... it does have a lot of fun that ball.

We had a slow morning, put Lal down for his nap at 10.30, and I showered instead of slept. I am really missing the nap.. I may have to leave the "I stay up stupidly late for no reason" group I started on here. I am failing in my duties there.

And then we went to Mass. Just to explain, if you're not Catholic.. to us Pancake Day is Shrove Tuesday (never to be referred to as PD .. ever... ) and today is Ash Wednesday. We all have to go to Church and have a cross drawn on our heads, in Ash, by the Priest. And I had to take Lal.. by my ownself. It wasn't fun.

Firstly, we got there late, so the only seats left were right at the very front of the Church. In full view of everyone, especially the Priest (Lal's Godfather) Behind us were sat two lovely, old Irish ladies. Lal started off quite subdued, he may well have been terrorised by my attempts to park the car, which was eventually left abandoned and blocking the entire church car park. He then noticed the two old ladies, grinning and waving at him from behind us. They became fun. He needed to eat, sorry, play with them. One minute he was sitting on the pew, the next he had vaulted over the pew and was eating their gloves. Nice black leather ones. Wonderful.

Retrieved monster baby, sat him down at my feet. His next mission was to remove everything from the baby bag, and show them to the ladies, using his best "outdoor" voice. Sadly everything was either a "BOOK?" or a "DUCK?" or a "MORE?" There was a lot in that bag, it took a long time to get it all out.

We then we up for the Ash. Lal was far too excited as he realised that his favourite man, except Daddy, in the whole entire world was there... Fr B! "Daddddaaaaaa" And attempted to launch himself out of my arms to go to him. For goodness sake. Not on the Altar child, show some decorum. We sat back down. But Lal was now aware that Fr B was there and kept trying to escape up the aisle to get to him. On three occasions I had to remove him from the Altar steps. The old men, who serve at Mass, were in bits. Desperately trying not to laugh. I was not amused.

And then came the sounds.. and the dancing, there was no music at this Mass, so he made up his own dance moves. At one point I had my hand over his mouth to shut him up. He thought I was playing the Indian game, so shouted louder. We then went up again, for Holy Communion this time, once more into the Fr B appreciation society. "DAdddddddddaaaaaaaaa.. hiya? Up? Mamaa?" Please child, stop it, he's not your Dada, he's Fr B, and he'll tell Jesus that you are being loud and annoying... I bet Mary never had this trouble..

Sat back down with lovely old ladies, who by this stage were handing Lal money, 3 x £2 coins... of course, these coins were used to bang out a tune on the back of the pew, and then put into mouth.
Old lady #1: "I told you Birdie.. he'll eat that coin and you'll kill him, choke he will. Take it off him."
Old lady #2 " Don't be so daft, she's a clever wee girl.. there's no chance she'll eat it."

Btw, Lal was wearing a checked shirt, smart trousers and a vest top thingy, all navy blue.. its the girly curly hair, obviously.

Mass finally came to an end, and on our way out the door, after spending 15 minutes picking up all his strewn belongings, and slipping £2 coins back to the old ladies, Fr B said to us... "There was no chance of missing Alexander James' presence today, was there?" Oh, the shame..

K xx

Ps: In case you were wondering, Lal was retraumatised on the way out of the car park, by my efforts to reverse. The car was not amused either and came off slightly worse in an argument with a wall. The wall won, the car has a long scratch down the side. Why can't I reverse? WHY? Haven't told K yet, he won't be happy either.

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