Friday, 15 February 2008

The nappy saga

I am now convinced that someone stole my sweet, fun and lovable Lal and replaced him with a whining brat monster. The last two days, he has been awful! Maybe the half term curse has gotten to him, but urgh.. I can't cope with it anymore! They'd better swap him back by Monday. Or he's going to live in the shed with his sister and father.

We cleaned out G's cupboards today. I put 9 different categories of stuff on freecycle, and most have gone. Old pink rucksacks, 76001 pencil cases, clothes, large and scary Halloween spiders, that sort of thing! We also found a rather large, pink and fluffy doll. The doll is Lal's new best friend and is dragged everywhere. He's even gone to sleep with it. K is not amused, especially as Lal has already formed a loving attachment to Jake (ake) and Emily (mmly) G's old baby dolls. :)

I put Lal back in his proper nappies today. This is not to run down anyone who uses dispicables, disposables (lol) but I hate them! Evil papery things. But I'd forgotten, even after two days, how difficult it is to get him into a cloth nappy.

It goes something like this:

Step One: Sniff bottom. Ewww. Delightful pong. Take baby upstairs.
Step Two: Put baby down. (We use a bed, as new spine surgery is rather expensive, and is often needed if you bend over on the floor 6 times a day)
Step three: Get clean nappy out of cupboard, remembering to get insert.
Step Four: Stop baby eating cat and move baby back to nappy changing position.
Step Five: Remove trousers and undo vest. Baby is now realising what is happening and head is now hanging off side of bed, and body is in a position that contortionists would be jealous of.
Step Six: In desperation, put trousers over baby's head and play an impromptu game of peeka boo, whilst undoing dirty nappy.
Step Seven: Attempt to clean bottom and remove nappy before baby gets trousers off head and sticks his hands in poo.
Step Eight: Clean poo off baby hands, bedding, clothes and clean nappy. Forget yourself, you're not important.
Step Nine: Give baby illegal toy.. best so far are Tv Controls Mobile Phone, Hair brush and Talcum Powder.
Step Ten: Take talcum powder off baby and do the top up properly. Wipe excess dust from streaming eyes and lift your jumper up over your mouth and breathe through. Talc will settle eventually.
Step Eleven: Rescue baby from climbing off bed and place him down on clean nappy.
Step Twelve: Move dirty nappy a safe distance, clean baby again and remember to put nappy where baby can't reach next time.
Step Thirteen: Time for a pause.. sing or something and distract baby by clapping his hands, or in our case feet.
Step fourteen: Hand back illegal toys and attempt to do up clean nappy.
Step Fifteen: One side done up is not good enough, place baby back down, undo done up side and start again.
Repeat steps 11-15
Step Sixteen: Once nappy is done up, leave vest undone and trousers off. There may be time later when baby is distracted by television to put them back on.
Step Seventeen: Leave frankly filthy and disgusting bedroom alone. There are several more nappy changes due throughout the day and there is just no point cleaning.

It's been like this all day. I'm exhausted! On the plus side.. back to school in 2 days. Oh yes.

K x x

(Ps: Lal escaped through the cat flap again. It's disconcerting when you're washing up to look outside and see your son sitting in the middle of the lawn.)

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